if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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