Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
