Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
