Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
