I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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