Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize