I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
