mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
