it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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