I think I won the penis lottery.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
