I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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