I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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