I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
