dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
