alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
My vagina is very pro this idea
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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