I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
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