I could make wine with my vomit
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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