god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
