I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
