My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
