Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
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