a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
