This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No more Irish car bombs ever.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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