your thong is hanging out like whoa
barbara walters just said penis...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
