This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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