So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
