i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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