I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
