Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
