Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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