Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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