I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
