Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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