I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
