Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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