Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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