I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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