just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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