So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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