Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
