And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
