no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
