What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
