god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
