my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
