If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
