His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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