I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
