hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Randomize
