You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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