Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
