Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
