if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
