lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
