I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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