I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
