how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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