new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
