WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize