Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
