We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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