Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
