I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
