Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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