alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We're too hungover to prance.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
