Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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