Apparently you make a good broom.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize