is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
