I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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